CAC2014: Toxic (Part 6)

I needed to find a way out of the madness...

After several unsuccessful ....... attempts, I told God that I will put my faith in him if he gives me strength.
"God, give me one day. I want to be free. I want the shit out of my life, out of my system FOREVER! I want to say no without any regrets."

And then...that day came. I got rid of all the fake people from my life. It kind of felt like pressing the delete button. They were all gone. I just let everything go. I let all my frustration, anger, hate go. I started cleansing my mind, my body, my soul.

I let the sun rays shine through me. I felt the waves beneath my feet, I let them take me. I just lay in the sand..once I opened my eyes, I was a different person. I felt like I was born again, like God had finally shined his light. He saved my life...

CAC2014: Toxic (Part 5)

How do I take all this in? It was just too much. I think there was a point where my brain couldn't process anymore, I couldn't digest anymore, my heart was on the verge of breaking or maybe it was already broken. I couldn't read anymore letters where family members told us to let her go and accept the situation. How do you accept something like that? So we're just supposed to sit around and do nothing like them? They chucked letters in the garden keeping us "updated", but we couldn't read it after a while and honestly didn't want to. It was much too painful. 
I couldn't face our family, the family that let us down, the family that lied, the family that forced my sister and me to go to the police station and make a statement. I thought about it...what if we don't go? 

At the time, they told us that we wouldn't help our mother with that. That she might have to stay in jail for months. Well..that was a lie, but we didn't know that. Then I had all kind of thoughts running through my head..What if they break into our home and drag us there? All sorts of things crossed my mind. I made the decision of going to the police station. I knew that I needed my mother in order to do something about this situation, so if I could get them to release her, all will fall into place, but never in a million years would I have thought they could just take my sister...

CAC2014: Toxic (Part 4)

They took her..there was an orphange not far from the police station. They told her not to pack too many things because it will probably only be a matter of weeks and then she will be returned to us. Well...months passed..and now it's been almost a year since I last saw my angel.
I was allowed to visit her in the orphanage, but that would also come to an end not long after she was taken away. I didn't know what, but something didn't sit well with me..I had to find out! 

There were nights when I just cried..of course I didn't show what I was feeling, how heartbroken I was. I needed to show strength. I played everything over and over again in my head. The person I love most in this world..I felt like I let her down. She trusted me and I couldn't take care of her.