The Shadow

So far, so distant.
So gone, not persistent.
All I see is the shadow.
The shadow of who he used to be.
The shadow of the man that used to truly love me.
All that's left is a fantasy.
He promised he'd treasure me, but he failed miserably.
Now I feel like his beautiful, convenient accessory.
An accessory to his tragically disastrous life.

I thought things would change.
I waited and waited, but that highly anticipated day of joy
and freedom never came.
I hate the waiting game.
By the time I almost touched the finish line, everything I had left inside me got destroyed.
Tried to fill the void.
Tried so hard to stay strong.
With every breath I broke, 'til I couldn't take any more.
I almost forgot who I was.
THAT woman would NEVER settle for less, for this.

There I was... thinking I was flawed because you failed to see my beauty, my loyalty and devotion to you.
Never felt like I was enough because not once did I feel you were satisfied.
You wanted more. You wanted someone else to fix your chaotic life.
All you ever did was waste my precious time.
I trusted you, I adored you but it was all a lie.
I was your ride or die.
You were never mine.

Wish You Knew

I woke to the sound of rain pouring.
It was so dark I could barely see a thing.
I stand alone. Count the raindrops that hit my face.
They replace the tears I am unable to cry.
Feeling empty, spirit lost, my body's firm as a rock.
Deafening silence surrounds me, still I hear you whisper my name softly.

Wish you knew...

My God I wish you knew how much I miss you, how I long to kiss you.
I need you to tell me you love me. I need to feel it. Let's turn back time. We've
always done the impossible. We've come so far, but I feel you're giving up.
You say it's my fault, that I'm to blame, but you're the one playing a dangerous game.

All I've ever done is love you. I dried your tears, you made me fight my fears.
We used to be a team. There was no you and me.
There was us.
Wish you knew how much I miss us.
The little things you used to do to make me smile, the promises you made sure were kept.
Where are you my love? I can't see you, I want to feel you.
Can we make it through? Are you willing to fight for me and you?

I am wounded, I am open, I am hurt, I am broken, still have hope. I am yours.
My aching heart longs for you, I wish you knew....

Addicted (I Can Feel You)

I can feel you, feel you everywhere.
Even when you're miles away, your energy still lingers here.
I close my eyes, I feel a sudden rush as your hands gently caress my body
and as your soft lips press against mine.
Addicted to how it feels, how you're able to undress me with those eyes that glisten
in the dark and gaze into mine while we make love.

I can feel you, feel you inside me, you're not even here, but I feel you everywhere.
In the air, on this bed, on the chair, between my legs. 
I crave every part of you.
"Greedy" that's what you'd call me.
That I am, I want you to myself.
I yearn for every drop of you're love, every piece of your heart.
Give it to me, I need it now. Don't stop!
As long as you're inside me, you're mine, I'm yours, we're connected, lost in each other,
we're one.

Place your head on my chest.
Every beat you hear is for you.
Addicted to the thought of how it would feel every day
to fall asleep in your arms and wake up next to you..

C.H.G (18) - A sister's love -

...And I still miss you every day, every hour, every second.
A part of me died when you were ripped from my hands.
I may have changed a little, you may have grown up too fast, but my 
love for you is eternal, true. NEVER question it's deepness, it's existence.

There are so many forms of love. Mine is the kind that is patient, doesn't ask 
for anything in return, it's honest, loyal, it doesn't judge.
I am not going to lie..it's been so hard.
Without you this house has been empty and cold. If walls could talk, they'd
tell you so many stories. How I cried myself to sleep, praying that you were safe
and sound, how I wished that one day you'd find your way home. 
I haven't let go of that thought, I haven't given up.
The law may not be on my side, but God is my witness. He sees what's wrong 
and right. 

Don't you worry my sunshine, there will come a day, there will come a time when 
we will leave all this mess behind. Just remember that you are powerful, beautiful,
irreplaceable. Hold your head high to the sky and pray. If you fail, try again and again
and again. I hold you close to my heart until we meet again.

I wish you a very Happy Birthday!

I love you dearly C.H.G 

Raw Thoughts

I know what you're thinking...

Here she goes again with her words of depression, overemotional self..But here's the thing. All I can do is be honest. Do you know what I hate? Showing everything is okay and perfect when it's no where near to that. The world is a collection of people who lie. Who lie to others and themselves, who put on a show, a fake smile to survive. We've all done it.

Deep down everyone wants 4 things: to love, to be loved, to be happy and be accepted for who they are. 

Am I wrong?

Fight me on it all you want, but we are not robots. We are human beings who feel. Many have forgotten that. Most people rush and never stop for a moment to think about or rethink real values and the meaning of life. I have, still do. Maybe too much, too often, but I'm still clean, free of all the dirt this world throws. I don't let my skin, soul absorb it. 

I ask myself one question every day: Why am I here? Lord, why? I guess it's time for my voice to be heard. That's my blessing that I guess I haven't fought hard even for. Maybe it's time to stop trying to fool myself or let them bend me into what I'm not, but finally step out and wear the glow that I have always deserved...

Fear Of Deceit

Thought I had finally found you,
My other half, who loves me truly,
Who would do anything,
Who I can give my all to,
But our paradise might be built on a lie.

Thought I wouldn't have to be afraid to open my heart again,
That you'd take care of it til the end.
Now I'm not so sure..

Uncertain about everything that surrounds us..

I'm falling though, more and more.
To the point of no return and it hurts.
I hate seeing you like this,
I see deep inside you.
You're not you.

Secrets are killing you, killing us.
Speak to me! Don't hold back.
Do you still love her?
Am I just convenient for the moment?
Is it her you really want?
What do you want from me?
Where do you want to be?
Am I a fool?
Are you just waiting for the storm to pass so you could run back?

I need to know!

If so, I'll make things you complicate easier.
I'll walk out that door, take all that was beautiful and slowly
let it all go...

Complicated Feelings Of A Troubled Soul

That feeling...

When you're looking someone in their face, but they still can't see you.

That ache...

When your heart can't take any more pain and is close to breaking.

Those tears...

That roll down your face one after another, never ending, forever flowing waterfall
you can't control.

That silence...

When you're surrounded by people, but all is mute.
Sometimes I want to scream just so they know I'm there..breathing still,
alive still, that I still feel even though I feel completely invisible.

Loneliness...

It's deadly. This kills more than anything else. You drown in your tears, never overcome
your fears because you have no one to share with, no one to listen.

Heartbreak...

Mine just broke. Don't know if I'll ever be the same.

Death of an angel...

Life is not a game. Play it wrong, you fail. This world is beyond me, I don't belong here.
Let me fly high, sleep peacefully until my soul is born again. I just want to be free...